Hurting Me Back
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: Addison knows she made a terrible mistake. All she wants to know is if Derek is finished hurting her back. Tag to 2.09 "Thanks For The Memories". Addison/Derek & Addison/Mark. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer**:I don't own Grey's. If I did, George and Izzie would be together.

**A/n**: My second Grey's fic! This one is based on my thoughts of Derek and Addison's relationship before we knew all the "real" details. Before Mark came to Seattle, before the "flashback" of the night Addy slept with Mark, etc. This was inspired by that episode in which Derek comes home and Addison says, "Are you done hurting me back?" Enjoy, and reviews are always appreciated.

* * *

"Are you done hurting me back, Derek?"

Derek met her gaze for a moment and then looked away.

Addison deserved the punishment and the coldness to some degree, she knew. After all she committed one of the worst possible sins: she'd cheated on her husband with another man and not only that, but the man had been her husband's best friend.

She had never intended it to happen. When she married him, the love of her life, she believed she would never ever do anything to hurt him. Then things fell into place in such a way that it just… happened. None of the events leading up to her affair justified her actions and she regretted her mistake constantly.

Derek was never home. She always felt so alone and it was getting to her. Then she became more and more involved with her clinic to counter those feelings. Besides sharing a bed with each other at night, it was as if they didn't live together. It was like no one lived in the house except the odd houseplant. It was no way for a husband and wife to live and yet they did, day in and out.

Mark started coming around, complaining he never got together with Derek anymore. He would show up every few days in the afternoon, wait for Derek to arrive home then stay until late into the evening. Addison really enjoyed those times. Mark had the ability to make them all laugh and she didn't feel distant from Derek when they were all talking and having fun in the living room. She was glad he was Derek's best friend.

Then Mark started showing up earlier in the day, conveniently on her days off from the clinic. He played like he didn't know Derek wasn't there, that it wasn't Derek's day off as well and a number of other excuses. It didn't take her long to realize he was no longer coming over to see Derek.

He was funny and charming and extremely handsome, all things she somehow had not really noticed before. He knew exactly how to make her feel special and happy – like Derek used to do in the early years of their marriage. She promised herself nothing would ever happen between her and Mark, that they were just friends. The swirling feelings inside her, however, would not listen to such a promise.

They were sitting on the couch, probably closer than they should have been. Derek had called a few hours ago to say he was going to be pretty late, as usual. Mark reached for her and, surprising herself, she didn't resist. The lustful feelings burst forth in a rush and she lost control. Moments later, they were in the bedroom.

They were still there when Derek came home, earlier than he originally thought. He walked in on them.

"Derek – " she said with a mortified gasp and jumped off the bed, wrapping herself in the sheets. She could see the shock, anger and hurt reverberating through him. Her face burned red hot with guilt.

He shook his head slightly and raised his hand to silence her.

Mark put his head in his hands.

"I'm – " Addison began.

"Don't." Derek said firmly, his eyes filling with tears. He hastened from the room. Addison hurried after him, trying to apologize but he refused to hear any of it. She stopped in the front entryway, still clutching the sheets around her. The front door slammed so hard that pictures on the wall rattled and swayed ominously. Derek's car peeled out of the driveway moments later.

Addison somehow made it back upstairs to the bedroom. She leaned against the wall outside the doorframe, one hand covering her eyes, the other holding the sheets up. Her face was still burning with guilt and shame.

Mark had put his pants back on. "Addison, I'm so sorry."

"Just go." She whispered.

He gathered the rest of his clothes in his arms and left without another word.

* * *

Derek didn't return home for days. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if he was alright or where he had gone. One day when she was at work, he finally came home. She knew, because that night she noticed several of his favorite shirts missing plus an old suitcase. There was no note, no message on the answering machine, and no other indication that he had been there or that he ever planned on coming back.

Eventually, she found out through the grapevine that he'd gone to Seattle to work at Seattle Grace hospital on a favor for Richard Webber, an old friend of Derek and Addison's. Derek had apparently got his trailer back from his brother-in-law and was now living on it on a piece of property he'd bought. Addison told Mark, who she'd barely spoken to since the day Derek left, what she had learned. He asked her if she was going to go after him.

She simply replied, "He's my husband."

* * *

Being in Seattle turned out to be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do. Derek was still so hurt by her infidelity he could barely look at her, let alone speak to her. When he did manage to speak to her it was either very formal because they were two professional doctors working together or it was short, angry sentences because she was the one who had shattered his heart.

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was clear he had fallen in love with someone else during the months since her act of betrayal. She was a pretty intern with a quirky personality and Derek was infatuated. It hurt deeply to see that, to feel like she was so easily replaceable, that maybe she meant nothing to him, that he had already moved on. It was a taste of what it must have been like for him to see her with Mark.

Addison made sure he knew she wanted him back and that she was so sorry she'd ever gotten involved with Mark. She had married Derek and she desperately wanted to keep it that way, to work it out, to be together like it used to be. Very slowly, he took some steps to make things between them better.

She was foolish to think things could ever be the same. She'd broken their wedding vows, he saw them as officially over. She'd lost him. He was still in love with the intern and still, whether intentional or not, he found ways to continually make her feel ashamed and broken-hearted, worth nothing to him and like she should never have come, shouldn't have bothered, shouldn't have wasted her time.

So finally one night when he came home late, having missed a planned lunch with her and an unplanned supper, she, with tear-stained cheeks and limp hair, looked up at him slowly and asked,

"Are you done hurting me back?"

-**End**-

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**A/n: **Just one thing: I said in here that Derek "got the trailer back from his brother-in-law". That was just a little creative license b/c I don't remember where the trailer came from. Thanks for reading! Reviews always appreciated.


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